| nusstabox |

Wow!!! It’s been an interesting week!

What is my truth hey? It is surprising that the act of going through the process of preparing and then presenting a piece (we shall now call this the four pees!) has left me rolling in the wake of transformation. It feels like the very ‘pppp’ didn’t stop with the end of my presentation. It has rolled through me and out of me for the last 7 days and is still vibrating and bouncing off the walls of my ideas of what I am. I got bitten by a dog on Thursday and a member of the community got angry with me, a friend slapped me in the face, started to move into a new house for a couple of months, swam in the creek at 3.30am, moved my study space to a new location and I am wrestling a hang over from a big night of various reds! Meanwhile, while all this was happening I was feeling as if I had ripped open a vile of sacred elixir and just skulled it down without regard for the consequences that it might have. The consequences obviously have not heeded the boundary of my body.

‘7 days was all she wrote….
a kind of ultimatum note….
she gave to me….
she gave to me….’

I wonder what will happen on the eighth day?

ps. Did I mention that the snake is back in my house? mmmmm could be just because it is winter hey? or could it be that it is winter because the snake is in my house? or could it be that the snake is here because it is the time to go inside and transform now and it is winter and cold outside so we don’t get distracted with things ‘out there’?

What a fine day it is today. Raining and cold. You know? It’s the type of day today that if I was still at home with my parents and I was still 8 years old I would be loving the toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches that my mum had just cooked for me in the ‘breville’.

mmmmmmmm…..

look… I just had to! you know how it is for me!

If you don’t get it then:

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q=%2209+f9+11+02+9d+74+e3+5b+d8+41+56+c5+63+56+88+c0%22&btnG=Google+Search&meta=

During the course of an evening on the weekend I noticed that I was observing a theatre of sorts in my social interactions. People where acting! There seemed to be this play that was going on in front of me and the people who were ‘acting’ seemed to be oblivious to the fat that they were acting. I seemed to be outside of this play in a way, just an observer but I knew at the time that there is no such thing as a passive observer. As soon as we observe we inter-act! I sat on the couch of observance for a while until my observing became the ‘act’ that I was playing! I noticed that the games/acts that were going on, were noticed by another in the social group, as this particular person started to actually ‘play’ with the ‘play’. It seemed as if we sometimes know that we are acting and sometimes we forget that we are actually acting.

This is a bit of a dichotomy for me at present because I am wrestling with causality. Do we actually have a say in what our life is actually becoming or are we just following along the merry path laid out for us by fate? Is there nothing at all or are we making our life up for ourselves by our decisions we make? I sort of agree with both of these things. I resonate with the idea of ‘Fate’ at some level…she guides my every move through my life…always drawing me to the places she has set aside for me from the beginning of time to the end of days…Then again she can go get fucked! I make my life! I am in control! I command the world that I experience! Arrrrrhhhhh ego ego ego….

It’s funny because there is a new age type belief in the possibility that we all create our worlds from our experiences and biological restrictions. To me there is some sort of this aspect to life but then again…. I still feel that there is a ‘fate’ aspect to my life. I can’t justify it but that seems ok to me at present. Everything is changing all the time and I am not really ready to pick up my sword of truth and slay people with it. I do enjoy a good play though!

I have been reading some web sites lately and it has reminded me of some of the strange sensations that I experience when reading. Not just web sites but books as well. I start to feel as if I am lifting off the chair and rotating forward towards what ever I am reading. Physically I am in exactly the same place but sensationally I feel this rotation all the way to the point where I feel as if I am starting to turn upside down. My head is moving forwards; my body is following in the same posture as in sitting. It is a very interesting feeling. I am not sure what to make of it. Come to think of it the reason I am writing this now is because I can feel this sensation starting to happen. I think there is a correlation between me feeling this way and the type of information I am reading. It never happens when I am reading things that are just practical or humdrum such as a newspaper article, a permacultue book or computer information. It only seems to happen when I am reading about spiritual topics and things that I have been interested in since the age of 9 or 10. The things of the ‘other’. Stuff that seems like this culture does not want me know.

Stuart Wilde talks of different sensations that he and others have experience when in contact with a dimension of reality that he calls ‘the Morph’. I have written a piece to my blog along time ago entitled “Maybe the Morph?” This was a piece that described a sensation and experience I had a few years ago in the middle of the night. It was really difficult at the time as I was very emotionally unbalanced because I was fighting with my then girlfriend.

One of the sensations that Stuart talks about is a fluttering or twitch in the eye. I started to experience this sensation about one week ago (22/04/2007) and it lasted for a few days. There are tingling sensations of the same thing in my eye at present. There is also a very interesting experience that happens to me randomly. It is also to do with the eyes. All of a sudden one of my eyes seems to have a form of water or liquid on a small part of it. The small distortion or blur makes my vision seem to be as if I am looking through a puddle or electric/water/oil-film of sorts. I cannot see through the distortion. This distortion grows in size in an arbitrary way until it is almost covering my entire eye. Only one is affected usually. I have to move my head to be able to see all things and it is a bit dangerous to be doing anything that requires precise hand eye coordination. This sensation lasts for about half and hour usually. I can also feel this sensation in my left eye at present as if it is waiting for some trigger to set it off.

I have not been able to gather whether it is linked to the other sensation before. This is the first time that I have been able to document all theses things and maybe see some sort of correlation to them. The connection that I see at the present moment is through a piece of media that I have been listening to from Stuart Wilde again. His latest CD series ‘The Journey Beyond Enlightenment’ outlines his views of the change in consciousness and the current state of human development in the physical and spiritual worlds. He talks about this dimension or reality ‘the morph’ through this series and outlines that when he and people who he knows have experienced the morph, they have a set of experiences or sensations before or leading up to perception of the morph. I am a bit scared of what he is talking about but also quite excited. But I am also very sceptical of my own perception and whether I am just hoping to be one of the spiritual ‘in crowd’.