| nusstabox |

I found this little piece of writing today as I am looking through a whole group of blog posts from the last 5 years or so that I made before there were blogging tools such  as wordpress. I feel that Userlands Frontier was operational at the time but it was a paid for stand alone piece of software.

I am currently experiencing something that I haven’t felt before, that is, for the last three months I have felt like I am in a heightened state of anxiety. Almost constant arousal of the solar plexus area with heart in throat feelings.  The combination of the start of a new intimate relationship with someone and the processing of the past four years internal psychedelic journeying in the hills  of Nimbin, working at a straight job and finding my place in the centre of Australia, drying out in the desert. Wow, I really have a great abilty to be selfish, all these things I have mentioned and I didn’t state that my father has cancer and is undergowing treatment the western way at present. I feel that I may be denying some emotional undercurrents at the moment! Needy is an understatement; combine that with paranoia of being left alone, which is something I have not experience except when pondering the topic of the following post; makes this feeling of anxiety a little disturbing.

Anyway, here is this little piece from the past… I’d like to hear your thoughts!!

Originally Published: Wednesday, 17 December 2003

…is that I find myself in the position that the only certain thing
is that I am going to experience the phenomenon of dying. From my
observation everybody seems to experience this some time in their life.

When I really ponder this certainty and I mean really embrace this
certainty with all my focus and attention it bloody scares me. I have
come to a space in my life that I wish to sit in this fear of death to
try to work out what I am actually scared of. I did this last night for
about a hour. One thing I can say at the moment is that I am scared of
the fact that it is totally unknown. There is no way of me being
certain of what is after death. To even think in terms of certainty and
death is a total coincidence of opposites that it shakes me to the
core. How can death be a certainty when after death there is total
unknowing? It seems to be rather weird, just like every single other
thing in the universe, from all the physical things to the the ideas to
the concepts and emotions and feeling and sounds and descriptions and
everything. It, this world, universe, cosmos is so bloody strange it
boggles my mind whenever I get the chance to just ponder what the hell
is in front of me or even why there is a front. I have no idea how
humans can be bored.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 9th, 2008 at 7:27 am and is filed under experiential, sharing, vibratory. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.